You Must Own It Before You Can Understand It: A Lesson from the Library of Feelings
Somewhere on the other side of mystery there is a library that holds all the wisdom of the universe. People have referred to it as the “Akashic Records,” a term popularized by the mystic Edgar Cayce but previously circulated among members of the Theosophical Society in the 19th century. There is a lot of debate about the origins of that name and what exactly the hall of records contains—you’ll find no shortage of further reading on the subject. We simply regard the mystical library as one of many spiritual classrooms to which someone may be sent in vision to receive guidance and instruction.
Like all visionary locales, the library’s nature is in flux and beyond the reach of our limited conscious understanding. And you go there primarily to catch the special feeling of ineffable mystery, rather than to bite off another bit of comprehensible knowing. Brad previously wrote about the visionary library in The Bushman Way of Tracking God:
… it is neither a library nor a record in the way that we think of those notions. It has nothing to do with book knowing. It is heart knowing; this is a library of feelings. It would be more accurate to call this place a sacred heart library of spirited feelings.
Brad recently dreamed again of visiting that library. This time it appeared as an old book shop filled with rare manuscripts:
Hillary and I found a big leather-bound, ancient book filled with unfamiliar words, indecipherable markings, and unknown symbols. We had no clue what it was about. It was clearly a mystery book from on high. A voice spoke: “Purchase the book.” I replied, “We don’t understand what it is about.” The voice then sent an electric ripple through our hearts and minds with these words, “You must first own it before you can understand it.”
This wisdom zinger applies to all of the important spiritual truths: they must first be experienced (owned) with the whole body before they can be understood. Here ownership means that you “own the feeling” for something, which is to say that it lives inside you and comes through in the way you move and how you sound. This is the special kind of feeling that is associated with n/om, the higher power and changing force of creation. The Kalahari Bushman doctors often say that they “own a song,” “own n/om,” and even “own God.” They are pointing to the experiential fact that this ecstatic trinity lives inside the body and is concentrated in the heart, ready to be reawakened and put to good use for the benefit of all.
Once you own the sacred feeling of n/om held in a mystery book, you begin to really understand how a sacred song, its jubilation vibration, and even God are not concepts to wrap your mind around but ecstatic dynamics that can turn your life around. Furthermore, when you own any one of these, you own them all. And because life is a circle, anything you own also owns you. Are you sure that you really want to receive the arrow pierce of n/om that comes packaged in a holy song held within a book from the higher shelf? Because once you do your life will belong less to you and more to the Big Librarian.
The more that n/om takes root inside you, the more you will lose interest in the collective cultural pursuit to become an all-knowing big cheese in a deep spiritual freeze.[1] You may find yourself more like a little singing bookworm, combing the stacks with an insatiable appetite for the heat of sacred emotion and the bliss of n/om-charged motion.
If you are still trying to catch the big room feeling through deciphering its meaning, remember: “you must first own it before you can understand it.” Purchase the book and follow its instructions: take the action that gets the wheel turning, the melody singing, and the fire burning. We’ll see you soon in the sacred heart library of ecstatic feelings, the hall of n/om records that holds all the music ever to be made and played.
[1] From the publication, The Pinnacle Prayer Book, by Hillary Keeney (in press). Coming soon to a bookstore of feelings near you.